“A great job of getting past the clichés of twinship and letting us see the real inner turmoil that can occur as twins each try to work out their journey to becoming a unique individual”
—Holly Scheuer
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Jan 2010
My Dear Abby of the day touches on twins' exclusivity. Parents often report feeling kind of excluded by their twins -- as if they have a secret code or understanding which even their parents can't penetrate or join. My answer is, it's true: twins have their own club, and you're not in it. When my family used to gather as a whole family (including my younger, patient brother, David,), Robin and I would inevitably slip into what I call our "Twin Zone" -- gabbing, laughing (sometimes to the point of gasping for air -- see photo capturing just such a moment), and it felt like an inside joke or conversation which my parents and brother would never be privy to. When I interviewed my parents for the book, they admitted to feeling wounded by those moments where Robin and I seemed to have forgotten they were even in the room. They understand intellectually that these times are just a demonstration of our instinctive, habitual closeness. But they said they still felt we were insensitive; I don't think Robin and I realized how much until recently. Twins don't always consider the power they have as a pair, a power that takes root even in childhood. Twin intimacy is so potent, often so intense, that there appears to be an almost inviolable bubble which can make others feel envious or sidelined. It's not necessarily something that can be avoided, even when the third wheel is a friend at school or a romantic interest later on....but it's good to know it's typical so no parent, friend, lover or spouse takes it personally.
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