“...Truly lent insight into the way in which twins themselves interact with the world”
—Kellie Asaro
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Feb 2010
8th
Just Show Up
In Gretchen Rubin's book, "The Happiness Project," she maintains that a central tenet of friendship should be "Just show up." She's right: we all remember who paid us a visit soon after our kids were born, or who traveled farthest for a birthday party or wedding. I couldn't agree more -- I find that so much of friendship is just being in the room. Not necessarily what you say, bestow as a gift, or write in an email. Just appearing for the events that matter, and not making a grand entrance or expecting trumpets in return, is the fabric of friendship. Last weekend was only further proof. My twin sister's son became a bar mitzvah, and the whole evening was more moving and more joyous than I even anticipated. Not only is he equally related to me--genetically--as he is to his mother (that's still mind-boggling to even utter), but I looked around the room and saw so many faces that I hadn't seen in so long, faces who could have easily said they had a conflict or were too far away or it was logistically difficult to leave their young kids at home. It's easy to say to ourselves, "My absence won't really matter at such a large event....I won't get to have a quiet, meaningful conversation with Robin anyway." But they didn't weigh, waffle, or calculate how central they'd be to the festivities. They just RSVP'd yes: Robin's college roommates, our relatives from Austin, Denver, Los Angeles, Vermont, Boston, my brother-in-law's relatives from Israel. People just...came. They didn't expect to be knighted just because they got on a plane or cleared a Saturday night, but their simple company spoke powerfully. Their presence said, "This is important. We're here to be with you."
So many people complain that life makes friendships difficult -- the demands of our daily lives do make it hard to stay in touch, remember a birthday, have a long catch-up phone call. But this past weekend reminded me that friendship can be very simple: just be there.
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