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“...a touching, funny, smart book, written with considerable flair”

—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon

One and the Same
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Feb 2010

Feb
4th

Dear Abby of the Day - Put twins in separate rooms?

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I received a great question from www.ourpigletpdx.blogspot.com (great blog) about whether to put twins in separate rooms -- if parents have that option.  My answer is: don't.  At least not in the early years.  I think Robin and my togetherness offered some of the best memories we have: inventing the cut-throat "Leap Between Beds" game, whispering to each other way past bedtime (despite my parents repeated cries to "Shush!!"), dressing up from our trove of flea market scarves, earrings, and stage make-up, hunched over homework at our red and yellow plexiglass desks side by side... She was near me if I had a nightmare.  She was near me if a thought occurred to me.  Or a project. We made each other laugh till we gasped for air.  I think sharing the same room was comforting and emboldening in childhood. But I feel just as strongly that we were ready for separate spaces in 9th grade, just as we were ready or separate schools.  By the time I had my own room, I really needed it. I appreciated the privacy, quiet, and specialness of having my own island.  My Mom let us each help her decorate our new spaces and those decisions felt important to me. Having my friends over to my own room felt grown-up.
So my advice: keep them together till you sense they need space apart.   The right moment will be clear to you; or your twins will let you know.


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